Final Reflection

   This has been fun. I think. I am still not entirely convinced I "blog" right. Through this process I have had to edit myself, substantially. I started many a post, just to erase, delete. It's very hard to write what I am thinking without coming across jaded or judgmental, I and really have never viewed myself as either. That has been incredibly eye-opening, but therapeutic. For every time I erased a post because I deemed it inappropriate for this classroom experience, I felt better to have typed out my frustrations and thoughts, even though they never made the final cut. Be it the frustrating Wal-Mart parkers, AT&T customer service and the fact that I know your name is not John and you aren't local, or my transformation to "THAT" mom at the little league games, I typed away and felt better getting it out, just to take it all back.
   I few moments have slipped, and made their way to published, so I can't really say if I am proud of my little blog or not. I go back through and read, see the errors, the babbling, the nonsense. I shake my head some, and sigh. I laugh, and hope and pray it makes sense to someone other that myself.
   It has been a learning experience. I have learned to slow down my thoughts just enough to maybe make them look right on the screen. I wish there was more. More time, more words, more images. I wish I could have shared more, explained more, painted a grander, vivid picture. I cheated every reader. I hurried, and got it done. Checked it off. Sad. Because this is a beautiful thing, to share experiences, thoughts, ideas. To make someone else feel what you felt. Man, I want to write in a way that if I am bitter, they can taste it. If I am sad, they hear my tear drops. My little fingers ache because I know I could do better. I obviously avoided any deep emotions in any blog. I attempted humor, not sure I hit the mark.
   Have I seen a change? I think so. My post go back and forth, some I am proud of, some post I want to yank back and destroy. The post I wish I could take back, I left where they are. Glaring back at me with all their ignorance and errors, as a reminder that I can do better and what not to do next. I learned how to spell words I have been apparently misspelling my whole life, so that's good.
   Overall, I would love to keep my little blog life alive and well. Like I said, it is fun. I hope I can find the time. Life gets so busy. As I drive or listen to my kids play a thousand ideas come to mind. Ideas that I want to blog about, but the come and go so fast. All of this, what I have written, what I want to write, wanting to keep giving my blog life, is all for me. Sometimes I forget others can read this. Every blog comment is like Christmas morning. Am I going to be blissfully happy? Am I going to be ridiculously disappointed? I read them all, and want to write back, start up a conversation, just not sure on the proper blog etiquette. I blame these feelings on the fact most of my conversations are with a five year old, so any chance of adult interaction gets me excited. In public when I see someone I know, I have a huge smile plastered across my face and my eyes glaze over at the thought of an impending adult conversation.  
 What happens now? Is this it? I am done? No more opinions or words, because there is no more driving force demanding I blog? Who knows. Let's just see if I survive a research paper and a couple finals. Then, maybe.